Feminism has evolved and taken on many different meanings throughout its inception. There were the suffragettes in the early 20th century fighting for their voices to be heard and their opinions to be validated via the right to vote. Around that same time women were proving to be an invaluable asset to the workforce. They were filling in and in some cases overtaking the positions of their male counterparts fighting in the first world war. Several decades later there were the Gloria Steinem inspired bra burners in the sixties. These women lobbied against the treatment of women as merely sex objects for men to fantasize and drool over. They wished to be respected for their minds and not cup sizes. Presently, feminists are now able to be stay at home mothers if they so choose and without ridicule. They have even promoted and taken the “oppressive” label off of the hobby of, gasp, knitting/needlepoint! It is all about choice, and women are now afforded it. Amen to that!
Now that you all have had a brief history lesson on feminism, and are all the better for it, I will inform you that this article is not really about feminism. Well actually it is, but not in the way you might be thinking. I am not here to bash men, or women for that matter. All I aim to do right now, is to shed some light on an issue that is often joked about but never seriously explained.
Women as aggressors in romance. The game of love is no longer about waiting for prince charming to come riding in on his white horse and whisk his intended away into the sunset. Women are getting sick of waiting and are rightfully so picking up the phone and becoming masters of their own destinies. This is a huge step in the name of equality. However, as this is still a budding trend, there needs to be a code of etiquette put in place.
Just as guys have the “bro code” (thanks Barney Stinson!) girls also need to pledge allegiance to their friends and leave the crushes and exes alone. I speak from personal experienc
e. In the past I crossed the line and dated a best friend’s crush. It left our friendship irreparably damaged and I was forced to hang my head in shame for years with nothing but futile apologies to try to erase the pain I caused her. I will always regret what I did, especially when I’m forced to face the fact that I will never get that trust or her friendship back. Above all else though, I just really miss her. The remnants of our friendship now consist of short birthday emails that lack substance or sincerity. Needless to say, the guy wasn’t even worth it. So ladies/feminists of 2008 take note, the thrill of the off-limits boy is no match for the bond of a best friend.
Another important thing to keep in mind is how your man feels about being the pursued. If he is a rather aggressive, manly man, he may not be the most comfortable letting you take the lead. Infact, he may resist your advances and cause you to feel dejected. Don’t fret though, just as this is new to you, it is new to him to so it may take some extra patience. If you really care about this guy and want to make it work, try giving him some space to pursue you. Hopefully that will lend itself to eventual shared pursuer/pursued roles. While this may not work in every situation, consider how you would feel if the roles were reversed, would you feel valued? Flattered? Overwhelmed? If you answered no to the first two, or yes to the last question, it may be high time for you to revise your approach. It should also be made clear that overdoing it is never the answer. Just like that annoying guy you had to put call block on because he wouldn’t get the message, you too, should not stalk to get your way. It will only serve to drive him further away and to thwart your progress.
e. In the past I crossed the line and dated a best friend’s crush. It left our friendship irreparably damaged and I was forced to hang my head in shame for years with nothing but futile apologies to try to erase the pain I caused her. I will always regret what I did, especially when I’m forced to face the fact that I will never get that trust or her friendship back. Above all else though, I just really miss her. The remnants of our friendship now consist of short birthday emails that lack substance or sincerity. Needless to say, the guy wasn’t even worth it. So ladies/feminists of 2008 take note, the thrill of the off-limits boy is no match for the bond of a best friend.Another important thing to keep in mind is how your man feels about being the pursued. If he is a rather aggressive, manly man, he may not be the most comfortable letting you take the lead. Infact, he may resist your advances and cause you to feel dejected. Don’t fret though, just as this is new to you, it is new to him to so it may take some extra patience. If you really care about this guy and want to make it work, try giving him some space to pursue you. Hopefully that will lend itself to eventual shared pursuer/pursued roles. While this may not work in every situation, consider how you would feel if the roles were reversed, would you feel valued? Flattered? Overwhelmed? If you answered no to the first two, or yes to the last question, it may be high time for you to revise your approach. It should also be made clear that overdoing it is never the answer. Just like that annoying guy you had to put call block on because he wouldn’t get the message, you too, should not stalk to get your way. It will only serve to drive him further away and to thwart your progress.
The best aggressors don’t let their prey know when they’re about to pounce. Be cunning, think quick on your feet and most of all, be true to yourself. If you feel he is not responding, move on. It is all about affirming your femininity and your ascending position in the world while having fun. If you are lying in wait for the non-committal guy, then you are no better off than those waiting for the prince on the horse. So put down those knitting needles ladies and get back out there because The Weather Girls are forecasting something very special. They say it’s a rainfall of massive proportions. For the first time in history, it’s gonna start raining men! It’s raining men?! Hallelujah!
*This article was inspired by Dr. Travis Stork's (of Bachelor fame) book Don't Be That Girl, a truly funny and helpful book on how to stop making dating blunders and regain confidence.
**Dedicated to Lily
***P.S. Happy Birthday Mom, Love You!!!*Images courtesy of moviemaker.com, barnesandnoble.com, fijilive.com, http://hdmoline.blogspot.com/, thecurvature.com, swingfromthevine.com
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